Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
