If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
