i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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