Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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