dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we made out on top of his cat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize