New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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