ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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