I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
