basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
