I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
