i already hear my dad disowning me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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