haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I should be sponsored by Trojan
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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