Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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