Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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