she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
