Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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