i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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