she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im part way to drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
