I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
