its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
