I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
