hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
