we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
