id be glad to
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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