i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
