I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
