guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
