Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
