Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize