I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
