I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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