Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I deserve this hangover.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
