And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
