So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just took my morning after pill in the library
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
