Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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