Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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