I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize