Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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