i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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