If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
