Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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