Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
