so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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