well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
