Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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