the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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