Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
