It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize