Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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