i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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