I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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