so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
