We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
