Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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