piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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