guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
