i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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