Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
