Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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