his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize