ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
