I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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