What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am midnight drunk by noon
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
