Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
