I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
