based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
