The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
