It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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