that's an acceptable place to lick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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