Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
