My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize