just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
