This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
